Poolfroof Christmas Cake

[essayel.livejournal.com]

Nothings actually foolproof, but this is the closest I've got to it. It makes a dense, moist, luscious alcoholic cake that's inclined to fall to bits. Marzipan and icing to hold it together is very useful.

Ingredients

1 lb [about 500g give or take a cherry] of whatever dried fruit you have to hand [my latest cake has raisins, cherries, papaya, mango, apricots and pineapple in it].

Half lb margarine [250g - it works better than butter for some reason but you can use butter if you like. Also the hard baking marg works better than the 'I can't believe this didn't come out of a cow' variety]

Find a cup. A proper teacup containing about 7 fl oz.

1 cup soft brown sugar [though Demerara works as well]

1 cup water [huh, who needs water? I use Guinness]

2 eggs

Half teaspoon bicarbonate of soda.

1 and a half cups self raising flour

Flavouring - spices, sherry, brandy, whatever.

You'll also need a large saucepan and an eight inch cake tin, preferably with a drop out bottom.

Method.

Put the marg, liquid, brown sugar and bicarb in the pan and allow to melt together on a low heat. Once it's sloppy add all the dried fruit and bring to the boil. Simmer for 15 minutes then take it off the heat to allow it to cool a bit.

Turn the oven on to heat to 150 degrees C. Grease the sides of the cake tin and cover the drop out bottom with foil. Reassemble

Go and do something interesting while the oven warms up and the cake mixture cools down. Fifteen minutes should do it - enough time to make and drink coffee, watch a bit of tv, have a shag, whatever takes your fancy.

Still with the mixture in the saucepan mix in whatever spices you prefer. I added ginger, cinnamon, all spice, nutmeg and, for the buzz, a bit of black pepper. Then get the eggs and flour and ADD THE FLOUR FIRST. Can't stress this loudly enough. You should really let the mixture cool completely, but who the hell wants to hang around for half a day when there are more intersting things to do. Add the flour - about 250g or 8 oz - and stir it in. You will see that it begins to cook pretty much immediately but it should cool the mixture down enough for you to add the eggs without getting an omelette. Mix thoroughly then pour into the cake tin.

Put the cake tin into the middle of the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Check on it and if it looks okay leave it as it is for another 30 minutes. If it looks like it might be getting too hot on top put a double layer of greaseproof over the top of the tin to dull the heat a bit.
After about an hour you'll need to check it frequently by poking it with a skewer. By this time the top should have some interesting cracks in it and you can jab the skewer in through those so you don't leave holes all over the top if you're not going to ice it. Once the skewer comes out clean it's cooked.

Take it out of the oven and leave it on a cooling rack for ten minutes or so, then run a knife around the sides [it should be easy because the mixture should have drawn away from the sides a bit] then pop off the metal ring and leave the cake to cool. BE WARNED - cats like this cake so it might be a good idea to put it somewhere cat proof. Dogs do too and people are inclined to pick off bits as well.

When it's cold, remove it from the cake tin base, wrap it in clean foil and put it in a cake tin. If you plan to eat it uniced fine - ignore it until needed. If you are going to ice it make holes all over the top with your skewer, pour half a cup of brandy or whisky over it [this is a good way of using up blended whiskey that you've been given as a gift by people who don't know your devotion to single malts] then wrap it up and leave it a week.

Repeat the bit with the booze. And again. Ice it just before Christmas. THIS is why we make our cakes early. Nothing to do with getting the job out of the way before Christmas.

If you've done it right the cake will need a 'do not drive or operate heavy machinery' sign on it.

Comments

[metallumai.livejournal.com]

I am definitely making one of these.